just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
