I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
