do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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