There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
