Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
