Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
