What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize