i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she peed on how many people?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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