I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
