I think I just saw someone hide a body.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
