Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
