tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize