Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
