just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
