Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
