i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
