i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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