Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
