Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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