All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
