I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
