Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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