I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
