Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
