i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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