Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
