I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
