After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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