dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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