Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
