worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
