i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
why do cheetos always look like penises
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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