I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
