So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize