**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
