I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
two words...techno handjob
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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