Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dignity is for republicans.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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