ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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