If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my shit smells like andre
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
