I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
