Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
