He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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