in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
