Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
