I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
