last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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