just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
