is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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