dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
