i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
