As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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