allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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