Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
