my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
