he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
