His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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