there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
