I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
