woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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