Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
