I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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