I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
