my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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