Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
