I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize