I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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